Help this person - Help me.... I am done !!! Please someone answer me DEC 2020... done done done

SOME ONE PLEASE LISTEN TO ME – I am NOT NOT NOT gonna make it much longer No more 2020 no more Covid- Im done with this all….I am waiting for an answer So this is Christmas and you know what- I cant do it anymore… Im tired of this covid of the masks of everything and I just want to be dead. Well maybe not dead but away from this all… I want to sleep and wake up with all of this as just a bad dream. I want to be happy healthy , be with my friends and have a good time again… I want to be free from depression and fear and anxiety...I hate who I am and I hate everything sometimes - Why does life have to be this way ? Why do I dread getting up each day and cant wait for bed at night. Other people always seem so happy with their loves and money.. Why cant I have allot of money and a love to call my own and just have fun.. why cant I be a famous rich beutiful person… I hate my body and face and everything !!! I just hate hate hate Why cant someone fix this mess why cant someone fix me ? Why do I have to work and go to school ? Why cant I just have an easy fun life… is it asking too much ??? I dont want to bother anyone just want to be something that im not 2020 sucked but 2019 wasnt a joy ride either … I am scared to death about 2021…. Maybe just maybe if we get some new people in charge of things maybe they can fix it all…. Lets give them a chance maybe they have new ideas do , maybe that can fix everything and then help people like me . I dont know im just ranting and hoping someone something will change … I just want to sleep sleep sleep and then cry and just sleep someone… I dont think I will ever be happy.. I really dont but whats the point ? No one understands me NO ONE!!!! I watch some movies and wish I was in them but Im not and I dont know… it just sucks that we cant have what we want and what we want seems to always be bad for us… Why do drugs and drinking have to be bad-- they help right ? Why cant I just enjoy things without myself or someone else judging me.. Sometimes I just want to vomit I just want to be a child again or live somewhere far away. I wish there was another dimension I could enter into.. I wish I could live on some remote island but sometimes I dont want to be alone . I dont know what I want but I know I dont want this.. I dont want them or me or anything. I dont even know what I mean.. I just want to be happy…. Why why why why why cant I be happy ????????????????????? Where am I going to be next year or in 10 years – the same looser all alone in this pain and fear that NEVER NEVER leaves me… why cant I tell anyone about what I really feel sometimes I have dark thoughts of things I want that im embarrassed to even admit...maybe im not as cool as I hoped I was… maybe this statement I am trying to make is a waste… maybe another tat will fix me I dont know… I want to cover my body in so many tats that no one sees me . Maybe if I could move and get a new start maybe another country would be better., everyone knows me here but then again no one knows me… I remember school and how it use to be… I remember laughing it was nice… some great parties that I hoped would never end . SOME ONE please answer me !!! I dont think I can keep this up much longer… No more cold no more Covid no more masks no more of them telling me whats right and wrong Is there anyone out there listening to me ???? I can draw and I like music but who cares who knows me who wants me ??? I am waiting !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\ Hello out there … maybe a UFO could come and pick me up and take me out of here…. JTS