Step One
Understanding the monster within......
Joshua 1:9
Well - here we are. People from all over the planet all suffering with something that up to 20 years ago was a very small parentage of the population. Now its everywhere: men, women, teens, and very young children some as young as five and six years old. Can you imagine dealing with depression and anxiety at that age ? When I was that age I was playing in the sand box laughing and smiling about life. Well times have changed . This entire world has changed. There seems to be a spirit of fear like a cloud hovering over our collective. Well be that as it may it doesn’t really matter to debate the why as much as the how the Hell do we get out of this mess. For starters we need to identify the monster that has its grip on you. Is it depression from anxiety or anxiety from depression ? Is it environmental ,situational, Chemical, emotional, or seasonal ? Is it something new to you or a life long swim. For the sake of the worst of us lets skip the mild anxiety and ups and downs of life do to finical or situational issues and lets go right to the heart of the worst of it which is…Daily debilitating Anxiety and Depression. We are talking about clinical here which means life doesn’t feel worth living and in fact is a tormenting chamber of daily horrors. Its dreading getting up and looking forward to going to sleep. Its loving sleep more then life. Its to the point where you can barely get out of bed. Your fear is so overwhelming that you can not eat sleep or think properly. In fact you have forgotten what normal thought patterns are. Its to the point where you don’t even shower often anymore but lay in your bed sweating and turning. Crying and deep weeping are a daily ritual . Thoughts of taking your life and how you will do it become your only passion. You have tried every thing and read every book. You have taken so many different medications you cant remember all their names. The doctors just seem to throw at you more and more and the time it takes for one med to get out of your system and another to kick in is time you don’t have. You have either lost allot of weight or gained allot. Everyone tells you it will get better and to just snap out of it. Some accuse you of faking this whole hell life just so you don’t have to deal with your life. They call it your fake excuse. People are tired of asking how you are and you are tired of making up the same old line. You see people laughing and enjoying simple things and it only makes you feel worse. All of your joys and passions mean nothing. For the most part you are alone and very few understand you. Sometimes you just hate yourself and wish you were never born. If there is a god you curse him for forcing you to be tormented this way. Sometimes though you pride yourself on being an agnostic or atheist you have to admit your have gotten so desperate that you actually tried calling out to god to PLEASE heal and help me for the love of life and humanity. Its come to a point where you will try anything to just stop the pain even for five minutes. From sex, self inflicted pain, cutting, homosexuality, maybe even changing your gender. Sometimes you find that getting tattoos make you feel better for a while but there is not much left of you to work on or pierce .Anything - just to find what is causing this deep pain which ironically hovers around your heart area. Your actual chest area is where you feel the cold dark empty pain. Its like someone is trying to steal away your very breath which is hard to catch at times. Drinking, smoking, even S&M have been tried. Meditation and seeing fortunetellers- you even visited a witch. When it got real bad and god didn’t listen you might have called out to any deity out there. Maybe even dabbling in the occult just to find an answer if not a cure. As to Life you just want to laugh, run , play and enjoy what everyone else seems to enjoy. It has gotten so bad that you cant even function enough to even hold down the simplest job; to travel, drive or go anywhere which leaves you with no money to live. Being homeless crosses your mind if your not already there. Of love and romance well that’s a distant dream as who would want someone such as you. Looking at your self in the mirror is like looking at a stranger you never knew. When compliments are giving you know they are nothing but a kiss through a veil. More and more of the people you know are dying from overdoes or suicide and you wonder what the hell is going on. The news of the day is so depressing that you wonder what your are staying alive for anyway. You are at the end of the end and as suicide seems to be the only out yet that to scares you as you wonder if it really is the ultimate escape from the pain or and entrance into a dimension you might not want to encounter.
Dear friend and fellow sufferer- I know many of these thoughts and pains. I have walked in many of these dark black shoes and yet I have broken through to the other side of living. I have escaped it though it chases me like a rabid dog at times biting at my heals. YET- Yet I am free and so can you be. So Today I just wanted to get a feel for where your at and what your going through. If any of the words I spoke hit you strongly then maybe what I have to say is worth a listen.
Listen- I am a friend, one who cares, one who wants to share what I learned so others never have to live another day in this demonic spiral of decay.
What I ask- well what I ask is this. Is to listen. To get some other people you know who are suffering. To get together and see if what I have to say is true or a lie. If a lie then you wont be any worse off then you already are but IF true…well imagine the outcome. Imagine a MIRACAL ! Now what I also need you to do is to trust me for I will ask you to try things you never tried before. Something’s might sound strange and repulsive to your intellect and educational level. But let me ask you this - if you were walking along a wooded glen and stepped into a bear trap with it slowly closing harder and harder on your leg, and then some person came over and said- “in order to be set free you must say the word (Shin-fane) then blink your eyes three times and cry out ( the moon is a jar ). Now though it would sound bizarre would you not at least try it ? You would be a fool not to as silly as it sounded. Well I wont ask you to say the moon is a jar or say Shin-Fane which by the way is Gaelic for Ourselves Alone. But I will give you real truth and real answers that if you truly believe against all logic and reason - well you will begin to slowly break free from the chains of darkness.
So I will wait a few more days and see if anyone is interested. See if I can bring just one person healing and truth then all of this would be worth it to me.
So fight on one more day. Get excited that maybe this darkness can be gone and lifted. No tricks, no gimmicks .
Your fellow friend
S.R. Kraniak Th.B- M.M.C.C.
Author of
Spiritual living in a Sexual World - Author house publishers
Depression Anxiety and the Child of God -Part 1 - Yorkshire Publishers
Depression Anxiety and the Child of God -Part 2 - Yorkshire Publishers
Radio talk show host
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Counseling people from California to New York
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