Anxiety - NO ONE KNOWS what we go through !
For starters lets talk about what Anxiety is. At least in the realm of daily life altering Anxiety. See we are not talking about getting the jitters of a new job. We are not talking about getting nervous after a car accident. We are not talking about waiting for the results of a test or for a phone call to come. We are also not talking about the fear of talking in front of people, or traveling in a bad part of town. Its not the feeling of being alone, or broken down on the side of the road. Its also not the feeling you get when a big storm is coming or your ,lost on a dark road. Those fears and anxiety we all get and I would take them 10x over instead of what “Life anxiety” is. See Anxiety be it in the form of an attack or in the form of facing each day in this state- well it’s a pain that has no escape. It has no answer, no solution, and no place to go to run from it. There is no hope of it leaving and no way to shut it off. Its not just thinking nice thoughts that can make it go away either. Its not winning a large amount of money that can squelch it either. See this “Life anxiety “ that often leads some to suicide is one best described at Torment. it’s a heavy fluttering heavy feeling deep in your heart. Its tingling in the arms legs and feet. Its cold sweats or hot sweats. it’s a fear of nothing but a fear of everything. Its not being able to eat or eating too much. Its trying to get your breathing right. Its trying to not think about it but the thoughts just keep coming and wont stop. Its confusion and irritability . Its being angry and snippy at the same time. it’s a fear over something you cant put your finger on. Its tension all over your body and being unable to lay down or sleep it off. Its frustration and a feeling you want to run as fast as you can from it but you cant. Its thinking about ANYTHING you can do to get out of it. It becomes so bad as time continues with no relief that you start thinking about - Drinking, Drugs, Pornography, Crazy sexual encounters, Cutting yourself, hurting yourself, running off or away. Its wanting to scream yell and beg anyone to make the feeling go away. Worst of all its knowing you cant make it stop and yet you still have life to live. Still have a job, school and things to go to. Its feeling this way day after day after day. Going to sleep this way and if you can sleep its waking up this way. Its like a fire you cant put out and no matter what you do it grabs you by the throat and wont let go. Its fear of the fear. Its fear of living your life always in this state. Its wanting to cry yell and beg anyone to make it stop. Then after it peaks you are so exhausted that you only want to sleep. Life becomes not worth living and the thought of days after days of this begin to lead you to depression. Its trying to tell people how you feel and them never getting it. They say -”you look fine” . Just look at how wonderful your life is. Shake it off they say. Did I mention the nausea and feeling like throwing up all day ? Then they grow impatient with you and start to believe your making it all up just to avoid responsibilities . Even a new love, pet, car, home, vacation- NOTHING stops it. Again I believe the best way to describe this pain is TORMENT. It is a torment worse then anything I have ever had to deal with. You start to wish you had cancer or a broken leg for at least people would understand and feel sorry for you. It becomes so much a part of your life that you forget what normal is. What are normal thought patterns ? Thinking and ruminating is all your mind can do and sadly it is only about yourself. Its all you can think about 24/7. You can not concentrate on anything and you start to trip and stumble, and get lost while you drive. Breathing even becomes an issue and even that is something that you try to not think about. You swear your dying of some strange sickness and just wish there was some shot or pill that would make it all go away . I know for I have lived it !
